I shmaak coloreds because I shmaak the way they are. I shmaak the way they talk. I shmaak the way they interact with each other.

When I’m sitting in a taxi, or I’m just hanging and I see a group of colored friends shooting the breeze with each other they seem so much more in synch than white people. They seem to get each other.

They’re street smart, white people are book smart (19% of the time.) Street smarts count for a lot more in my eyes, because that’s where it’s all happening. Life isn’t happening in a textbook. Nobody gives a shit about your opinion.

I also shmaak coloreds because they fokken know how to have a good time. They don’t have pretenses when it comes to kapping a jol. White people are fucking cliquey, they think too much when they party. Coloreds get to the point, they don’t waste time.

I shmaak coloreds because they know a lot about cars, and I don’t, so when the shit hits the fan, technically speaking, I can call on one of my colored chommies and he’ll sort me out. If there’s a problem with the gearbox, I call on my colored bra. When my GTI breaks down I don’t phone the AA, I phone my CA (Colored Allie). You see, white people get ripped off all the time, simply because they don’t have enough colored friends. White people in Cape Town take their cars to be serviced by other white people who think they know what they’re doing when in fact they know very little.

The reason why colored people know so much about cars is because they’re not afraid to take them apart and put them back together again. White people read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance; colored people don’t need to because colored people are fucking Zen masters.

Just take a look at the underground racing scene in Cape Town: Who turns a 1.3i Toyota Conquest into a machine that eats up BMW’s? Coloreds.

The reason why Colored men are Zen masters is because when something breaks, they fix it. It’s as simple as that.








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